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October 2016

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Unsettling the Settled

As I mentioned in my previous – and first – blog post, what is ed I have a couple things I want to focus on while abroad.

I think that everyone that knows me can attest to one truth about Anita: I never found it easy to stay in one place. I’m dedicated and committed to something that I believe in, hospital but it’s rate to find longevity and excitement in something, viagra 60mg unless I am doing it on my own.

With that being said, I don’t know what I thought I would find committing to a situation that I have never been attracted to before? The last two years have been a learning experience for me, work and play-wise. At the age of 26, I found myself in possession of more things than I thought I would have: a full-time job, a house and working towards a pension plan. I’m lucky. Don’t get me wrong at all – I’m fortunate and so few people my age and of my generation can boast the same. In fact, the majority of people in my life don’t even have a job that provides them with fulfillment. When I think about that, I wonder to myself… am I asking for too much?

I’ve always led with the principle belief that I would never settle. Never settle for bad or toxic friendships, never settle for a relationship with a person who was not my equal, never settle for a workplace that did not respect and nourish my growth and my autonomy. But have I set myself up for failure? I’m not comparing myself against any other measure – while I acknowledge the potential of excellence in others, which could one day be mirrored through my actions, and my success, I know that my only competition is with myself.

I’m on day 5 of this journey and can’t believe that I’m here. The last couple days have been a little crazy; I’ve made some new friends, learning to ride a scooter – wow… and learning to love myself a little more, and a little differently than usual. It’s all a process, but I’m feeling better about my choice every day – my choice to leave home and embark on this journey. Taking a step like this can be scary, since I knew that I wouldn’t be coming home the same.

The beginning

Earlier this year I read an astrology prediction for my sign. “Leo, more about ” it said sagely, dosage “look out for changes in your living arrangements and prepare for an expansion of your world. This could be from changing how you live, cost to traveling.” I scoffed. I had just returned from Paris – broke – and since being in a committed relationship, travelling had become harder and harder to do while solo. I was looking forward to sticking around a bit and maybe enjoying all that Toronto had to offer.

For my boyfriend’s 30th birthday (his champagne 30th, may I add) in May, we decided to take a whirlwind, adventure trip: backpacking through Peru for 2 weeks. This was the closest I was coming to understanding that prophecy that my astrological prediction had set out for me. Despite having this on the burner, I felt myself yearning for something else. Summer had me feeling as though I had stagnated. I wasn’t where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be and wasn’t living my life authentically – something that I had promised myself when I was soul-searching in Paris.

While many things seemed so right – my friendships were flourishing, I was (relatively) excelling in my job and I was building a solid, and fulsome relationship with my partner, I still felt as though nothing was going right. I was rummaging around asking myself every question imaginable – and as my 29th birthday approached, I felt deflated. Early August, I had enough of this feeling. In true Leo fashion, I set off to change my reality, control what I could and make some actionable plans for making a life that would suit me. I cast a wide net. I applied to jobs abroad, I started studying for my GMAT and checking out schools for MBAs, I even applied to a program I stumbled upon called Unsettled.

The long and short of it? I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I wanted to do something, so I did. I received a reply from Unsettled and soon found myself planning for a month living and working abroad. I guess that astrological prediction came true in some form – my living arrangements the same overall, save for a month abroad living, working and learning in Ubud, Bali. I would have never have expected it , but I am so glad that I kept myself open and curious enough to take a chance and leave my comfy world. 7 weeks abroad, 4 different cities (transit and visiting), and a month living in a paradise destination with people from all over the world.

As I write this, I’m sitting in Singapore’s Changi airport (marvelling at the beauty and innovative ingenuity of the terminal and everything Singapore) waiting for my flight to Bali’s Denpasar airport. After a week of staying solo in Singapore, I’m headed to start my journey and to find something that I know I have within me, it just needs some unearthing.

I plan to write and log each day as I grow and change through this experience, as well as working towards developing some skills, goals and habits that will help me feel successful in my regular life… if and when I decide to return to Toronto.